Consistency Amid Chaos

As I think back on Matt’s first few years of elementary school, I can point to far more things I did wrong than I did right. In complete transparency, I continue to sift through those scenarios today for seeds that can help me continue building the empathy I just didn’t understand at the time. And who knows, I may just get the hang of it someday…

Through all the things I could have done better, I could still hang my hat on my work ethic and willingness to be extremely consistent. While most of that was focused on our professional responsibilities, it was at least helping us keep our heads above water financially (for the most part). Learning Napoleon Hill’s eighth leadership attribute, at least for me, seems to be a lifelong pursuit. His tenth, though, fell in line a bit more naturally since I had some great experiences to build on during my early teens. Controlling the things I could control - showing up when and where I said I would, giving each task everything I had, and doing both more consistently than anyone else around - served as my foundation for what Hill referred to as a “Willingness to assume full responsibility.” He went on to share that “the successful leader must be willing to assume full responsibility for the mistakes and the shortcomings of their followers. If he/she tries to shift this responsibility, they will not remain leaders. If one of the followers makes a mistake, and shows themselves incompetent, the leader must consider that it is he/she who failed.”

I couldn’t control many of the things we were working through - Matt’s health, the school challenges, or home issues Cindy and I occasionally butted heads on - so I leaned into the one thing I felt like I had some control over: working wherever and whenever I could, for whoever would pay me, with hopes of at least fending off some of financial pressure. As I started getting requests to support other facilities’ behavior-based safety processes across North America, I realized I just wouldn’t be able to continue juggling the occasional construction work I had been doing on the side. Even then, though, I continued pursuing anything that appeared to have the slightest glimmer of opportunity to provide extra money, career growth, or both. More on that later on…

Although that may (and I stress may) have helped us financially, I was definitely not effective in balancing all the work with everything that needed my attention at home. There was no real boiling point moment that I can remember, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t plenty of chaos. And unchecked chaos, in any aspect of our lives, can erode everything else. I needed to learn to be as consistent in practicing empathy with Cindy and the kids as I was in showing up professionally. What I learned (even though it wasn’t nearly as fast as it should have been) was that consistent small acts at home build cooperation and begin to reveal the influence necessary to truly lead; that didn’t just apply to work.

Even without hitting a boiling point, there were still some pivotal moments that required firm decisions. We’ll dig into some of those next. Until then, consider a family issue you’ve struggled with - in the past or currently - and look at the patterns that could have contributed to it. With this heightened awareness, what small changes could have an immediate impact (assuming you’re willing to stick with them consistently)?